It’s been a little more than one week since I lost my baby. My son, Hugh Everett, was stillborn on November 21st, 2020, at 39 weeks along. He was a healthy baby and I was a healthy mama. I went into labor around midnight and by 2am I was told he had no heartbeat. We found out that his umbilical cord got wrapped around him and it stopped his heart. I was devastated, I am still devastated… In fact, I am heartbroken, confused, angry, and still processing it all.
However, I am finding there are ways to find peace and hope after losing a baby. As hard as it is, (and no words can express the depth of pain I am feeling) peace has been found for me through faith, love, and family.
Even though this whole experience is an up and down roller coaster of emotions, periods of peace can help stabilize and calm you when you need it the most. If you have experienced loss of any kind, I hope the following 3 things can bring you the peace you need right now, just like they have for me.
- Faith
I don’t think I would be where I am today without my faith in God. In fact, I know I wouldn’t be. Losing someone so close to you, your baby who was growing within you, is one of the hardest things you can go through as a mother. If I didn’t have God in my life, then losing my baby would look very dark and grim, there would be no hope. However, with God, there is abundant hope that my baby boy has found new life in heaven, that he’s without pain, and that he is happy. I have been praying daily, speaking to God when I am angry, sad, happy, or when I don’t know which way is up. I’ve been listening to worship music while I shower or get ready for the day, letting the words lift me up out of my sorrow. I’ve been crying to God, letting him catch my tears and hug me with his perfect love.
Knowing that I have God on my side and that my baby is in heaven with him, surrounded by love, and emerged in his glory is one of the ways God has given my husband and I peace.
2. Love
Where there’s faith, love isn’t far behind. When my husband and I found out that we lost Hugh, our desire to show one another love become stronger. Through our heartache, naturally we became more understanding, more patient, and more caring towards each other and towards our other son (who’s 2 years old).
Being surrounded by love allows you to be surrounded by peace. For me, knowing that I am being mindful of others around me by showing them love, brings me a sense of peace.
Over the past week, I have found that heartache and pain have crumbled my walls of control. While I was still pregnant with Hugh, I found myself to have a short fuse with both my husband and my toddler. I always wanted to be in control of what was going on, and when something didn’t go as planned, I would turn into a hot mess before showing anyone love. Now that Hugh is gone, I find that I can show nothing but love. Pain brings people closer together, it brings about love, and love brings about peace.
3. Family
Now, this third way to find peace definitely depends on your relationship with your family members. In my case, I am close with my family and with my husband’s family (I am very blessed to have that). When we lost Hugh, we were inundated with support from our family. Typically, I would have a hard time accepting gifts, prepared meals, offers to clean our home, or someone to just talk with, but in this case… I took them up on everything.
Allowing other people in during such a difficult time helped me to to process the emotions I needed to on my own time. I didn’t feel rushed to try to cook dinner, I didn’t feel like I needed to vacuum or clean the dishes, and I didn’t feel the need to entertain – I could just be… and that in itself brought me peace. If you’re family has offered support to you during your time of loss, I highly encourage you to take them up on their offer. The first week is a whirlwind and you’re going to need all the assistance and support you can get.
I hope if you are experiencing loss like I am, that these things help you to find peace also. I encourage you to turn to your faith, show love to those who matter most, and invite your family and friends to support you during this time of grieving.
Please feel free to comment below if you have recently lost your baby, if you have found your own ways to find peace, or if you just want to say hello.
